Thursday, October 27, 2011

Light bulb changing joke, Christian-style

Most collected but some originals.

Q: How many agnostics does it take to change a lightbulb?
A: None, since it is dark they can't be sure there's a light socket

Q How many Amish does it take to change a light bulb?
A "What's a light bulb?"

Q: How many Anglicans does it take to change a light bulb?
A: Eight. One to call the electrician, and seven to say how much they liked the old one better

Q: How many Arminians does it take to change a light bulb?
A: Only one provided the light bulb is prpared to make a bit of an effort as well.

Q: How many Atheists does it take to change a light bulb?
A: One. But they are still in darkness.

Q: How many Baptists does it take to change a light bulb?
A: The whole congregation needs to vote on it!

Q: How many Brethren does it take to change a light bulb?
A: Change?????

Q: How many campfire worship leaders does it take to change a light bulb?
A: One. But soon all those around can warm up to its glowing.

Q: How many charismatics does it take to change a light bulb?
A: One, since his/her hands are in the air anyway.

Q: How many charismatics does it take to change a light bulb?
A: Three, one to cast it out and two to catch it when it falls!

Q: How many charismatics does it take to change a light bulb?
A: Twenty one, one to change it, and twenty to share the experience!

Q: How many Christian Scientists does it take to change a light bulb?
A:None. It is your perception that must be changed, not the bulb.

Q: How many conservative Anglicans does it take to change a light bulb?
A: Three. One to change it and two to storm out in protest if the person
changing it is a woman!

Q: How many evangelicals does it take to change a light bulb?
A: Evangelicals do not change light bulbs. They simply read out the instructions and hope the light bulb will decide to change itself.

Q: How many tv evangelists does it take to change a light bulb?
A: One. But for the message of hope to continue to go forth, send in your donation today.

Q: How many Exclusive Psalmodists does it take to change a light bulb?
A: One. They do it unaccompanied

Q: How many Independent Baptists does it take to change a light bulb?
A: Only one, anymore than that would be considered ecumenical.

Q How many Independent Fundamentalists does it take to change a light bulb?
A Only one, because any more might result in too much cooperation.

Q: How many Irish Protestants does it take to change a light bulb?
A:None. That light bulb ha been there for generations and it would be a betrayal of the faith of our fathers to change it. No surrender!

Q: How many Jehovah's Witnesses does it take to change a light bulb?
A: How many does the book of answers say?

Q: How many liberals does it take to change a light bulb?
A: 10, as they need to hold a debate into whether or not the light bulb exists. Even if they can agree upon the existence of the light bulb they may not go ahead and change it for fear of alienating those who use fluorescent tubes.

Q: How many liberation theologians does it take to change a light bulb?
A: None! It's society that has to be changed.

Q: How many liberation theologians does it take to change a light bulb?
A: None--WE shot out the bulb in the name of Christian revolution!

Q: How many missionaries does it take to change a light bulb?
A: 10. Five to determine how many can be changed by the year 2010, four to raise the necessary funds, one to go find a national to do the job!

Q: How many Mormons does it take to change a light bulb?
A: Five. One man to change the bulb, and four wives to tell him how to do it.

Q: How many Mormons does it take to change a light bulb?
A: Mormon light bulbs are not changed. They are a restoration of the original light bulb through the electrician Joseph Smith.

Q: How many Pentecostals does it take to change a light bulb?
A: 10, one to change it and 9 others to pray against the spirit of darkness.

Q: How many Presbyterians does it take to change a light bulb?
A: At least two, one teaching and one ruling. There must be a plurality and parity of light bulb changers.

Q: How many Reformed Evangelicals does it take to change a light bulb?
A: One to change the bulb after a hundred others have held a study conference to findwhether Calvin, Owen, Whitefield or Spurgeon changed bulbs, how they did it and how we can do it in the same spirit today.

Q: How many Roman Catholics does it take to change a light bulb?
A: None. They always use candles instead.

Q: How many Truly Reformed does it take to change a light bulb?
A: None. Light bulbs are not part of Truly Reformed worship. Scripture says nothing about light bulbs, so by the regulative principle they should not be used in worship..

Q: How many Unitarians does it take to change a light bulb?
A: We choose not to make a statement either in favor of or against the need for a light bulb. However, if in your own journey you have found that light bulbs work for you, that is fine. You are invited to write a poem or compose a modern dance about your personal relationship with your light bulb, and present it next month at our annual Light Bulb Sunday Service, in which we will explore a number of light bulb traditions, including incandescent, fluorescent, three-way, long-life and tinted, all of which are equally valid paths to luminescence.

Q How many United Methodists does it take to change a light bulb?
A This statement was issued: "We choose not to make a statement either in favor of or against the need for a light bulb. However, if in your own journey you have found that a light bulb works for you, that is fine. You are invited to write a poem or compose a modern dance about your personal relationship with your ligh bulb (or light source, or non-dark resource), and present it next month at our annual light bulb Sunday service, in which we will explore a number of light bulbtraditions, including incandescent, fluorescent, three-way, long- life, and tinted, all of which are equally valid paths to luminescence."

Q: How many worship leaders does it take to change a light bulb?
A: One just to hold it in the socket and let the whole world revolve around him.

Q: How many youth ministers does it take to change a light bulb?
A:Youth ministers are not around long enough for a bulb to burn out.

Q: How many Zen Masters does it take to change a light bulb?
A: A tree in a golden forest

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