Rutherford Revised (256)

256.  To William Rigge of Atherie   From Aberdeen Sep 10 1637

Much honoured and worthy sir, - Your letter full of complaints, bemoaning your guiltiness, has humbled me. But let me say you seem too much on the laws side, You will no gain much being the law's advocate. I thought you had not been the law's but grace's man; nevertheless I am sure you want to take God's part against yourself. Whatever your guiltiness, yet, when it falls into the sea of God's mercy, it is only like a drop blood falling into the great ocean. There is nothing to be done here except to let Chris's sentence pass on 'the old man' and let him bear his condemnation, seeing in Christ he was condemned; for the law only has power over your worst half, therefore, let the blame lie where the blame should be; and let the new man be sure to say, 'I am attractive as the tents of Cedar, though I am black and sunburnt by sitting next to a body of sin.' I seek no more here than room for grace's defence, and Christ's white throne, to which a sinner condemned by the law may appeal. But the use the I make of it is, I am not so tender as you and thin-skinned, though I am sure that Christ may find employment for His calling in me, if in anyone living, seeing from my youth, upwards I have been making  up the blackest process that any minister in the world or any other can answer to. And when I had done this, I painted a providence of my own, and wrote leisure for myself, and a peaceable  ministry, and the sun shining on me, until I would be in at heaven's gates; such longing and raw thoughts I had of God,: I thought also of a sleeping devil, who would pass by he like of me, lying in moors and fields; so I built the fool's nest and dreamed, of dying a ease, and living in a fool's paradise. But since I came here, I am often so they would have as much rhetoric that could persuade me, that Christ has not written wrath on my dumb and silent Sabbaths; which is a persecution of the latest addition, being used against none in this land the I can learn of besides me. And often I lie waiting for my inheritance, and would gladly sell all my joys to be confirmed free tenant of the King Jesus, and to have guaranteed assurances: but I often see blank papers. And my greatest desires are these two:-
1. That Christ would make me in hand to cure me, and undertake for a sick man. I know that I would not  die under His hand. And yet in this, while I still doubt, I believe through a clod that sorrow (which has no eyed) has put a veil on Christ's love.
2. It pleases Him often since I came here, to come with some short flashes of His sweet love. And then because I have no-one to help me praise His love,  and can do Him no service in my own person,  (as I once thought I did in His temple) I die with wishes and desires o take up house and live a the well side, and to have Him praised and set on high. But alas, what can the like of me do, to get a good name raised on my Well-beloved, Lord Jesus, suppose I could want to be suspended for ever of my part of heaven, for His glory? I am sure if I could get my will of Chris's love, and once be head over ears in the believed, apprehended and seen love of the Son of God, i would be he fulfilling of the only happiness I want. But the truth is I hinder my communion with Him, because of the lack of both faith and repentance, and because I will make an idol of Christ's kisses. I will neither lead nor be forced along, unless I see heist's love run in my channel,; and when I was and look for Him he upper way,I see His wisdom is pleased to play me a trick and come the lower way, So then I have not the right way of guiding Christ; for there is skill and wisdom in guiding of Christ's love aright when we have got it. On how far are His ways above mine! Oh how little of Him do I see! And when I am as dry as a burnt heath in a summer drought, and when my root is withered, though I think then I would drink a seafull of Christ's love, before I would ever let he cup go from my lips, yet I get nothing but delays, as if He would make hunger my daily food.. I think myself hungry for hunger. The rich Lord Jesus satisfy a starving man. Grace be with you you.
  Your own , in his sweet Lord Jesus,  S.R.