Rutherford revised (119)

119. To Mr David Dickson   From Aberdeen 

Reverend and dear Brother, - Grace, mercy and peace to you.  I find that great men, especially old friends are afraid to speak up for me. But my kingly and royal Master tells me to persevere in His way and I will find a friend nearby. I still depend on Him; His judgement is still as it was; He welcomes the prisoner. The black twisted tree of my Lord's cross has united my soul to Christ. He is my song in the night. I am ofter brought low with challenges and worries about His anger; and then, even if a mountain of iron were put on me I could not be heavier; but with much effort I win my way into the King's house of wine.And the major part of my life is joy, and such joy through his comforts, that I fear I would be ashamed and cry out, for I can hardly bear what I get. Christ gives me a measure that is heaped up, pressed down and overflowing; and, believe it, His love gives more pain than prison and exile. I cannot understand Christ's love. If I had known what he was keeping for me I would never have been so timid. In my heaviest times, when all seems lost, the memory of His love makes me think that Christ's frowns are only for appearances sake. I only seek an outlet; I am covered over and ready to burst for lack of relief. Do not think too much about persecution. My sweetened cross forces me to say the to you; you will have choice food. The sick child is often the pampered one; he will be in charge of the house. I hope you can help a tired prisoner to praise and pray. If I only had the smallest thing to give to my Lord Jesus it would relieve my pain. But alas, I have nothing to pay, He will get nothing from poor me; but I am sorry that I do not have enough room in my heart for such a stranger. I am not depressed at the prospect of moving further north. I have good reason to work for my Master for he paid me well beforehand.;  I am not behind even if I did not get one more smile before I sit in the King's dining room.
   I have read all you wrote on the Covenant; it has edified my should and refreshed a hungry man. I judge it sharp, sweet, quick and profound. Take my word for it: I am afraid it will get no welcome in Scotland.
   The brothers in Ireland have not written to me; rebuke them for that. I am sure that I can give you and them a commission (and I will stick to it), that you tell my Beloved that I am sick with love. I hope in God to leave some things of mine in Aberdeen. I cannot find a house in this town where I can leave a gift in my Master's name except for one place. Christ cannot be sold in the north; He is likely to be a long time on my hands before any accept Him. Grace be with you.
   Yours in his sweet Lord Jesus, S.R.