Doctor -christiansquoting.org.uk

Doctor to patient: I have good news and bad news - the good news is that you are not a hypochondriac.

A patient going to a doctor for his first visit was asked, "And whom did you consult before coming to me?" "Only the village druggist," was the answer. "And what sort of foolish advice did that numbskull give you?" asked the doctor, his tone and manner denoting his contempt for the advice of the layman. "Oh," replied his patient, with no malice aforethought, "he told me to come and see you."

Honour physicians for their services, for the Lord created them; for their gift of healing comes from the Most High and they are rewarded by the King. .... The Lord created medicines out of the earth and the sensible will not despise them. .... And he gave skill to human beings that he might be glorified in his marvelous works. By them the physician heals and takes away pain; the pharmacist makes a mixture from them. God's works will never be finished and from him health spreads over all the earth.My child, when you are ill, do not delay but pray to the Lord and he will heal you. Give up your faults and direct your hands rightly ... Then give physician his place for the Lord created him; do not let him leave you, for you may need him. There may come a time when recovery lies in the hands of the physicians, for they too pray to the Lord that he grant them success in diagnosis and in healing for the sake of preserving life.- -- Ecclesiasticus 38

Doctors automatically know what's wrong with you. They have a sick sense. - Beau M., age 10

"Is it true that you smoke eight to ten cigars a day?"
"That's true."
"Is it true that you drink five martinis a day?" "That's true."
"Is it true that you still surround yourself with beautiful young women?"
"That's true."
"What does your doctor say about all of this?"
"My doctor is dead."
George Burns
Doctors are the same as lawyers; the only difference is that lawyers merely rob you, whereas doctors rob you and kill you too. - Anton Chekhov

Man has discovered that to kneel before God at least is more dignified than to lie down before a psychiatrist.--William A. Donaghy (1909-1975)

The patient is not likely to recover who makes the doctor his heir. - Thomas Fuller

After death the doctor. Jacula Prudentum. George Herbert. 1593-1632.

Doctors introduce medication of which they know very little, into patients of whom they know even less, against diseases of which they know nothing. -Dr. Barbara Moore.

Psychotherapy conquered what is in effect the human condition by annexing it in its entirely to the medical profession.
Thomas Szasz The Myth of Psychotherapy

Doctor, I have a ringing in my ears.
The doctor said: "Don't answer!"- Henty Youngman