Monday, January 28, 2008

Computers -

Computers make very fast, very accurate mistakes.

There are only 10 kinds of people, those who know binary and those who don't. --Unknown

Its not the computer that screws up--The faulty interface lies between the chair and the keyboard.

There are 10 kinds of people in the world: those who understand binary, and those who don't.

As a computer, I find your faith in technology amusing.

Smash forehead on keyboard to continue.....

Read my chips: No new upgrades!

I hit the CTRL key but I'm still not in control!

Will the information superhighway have any rest stops?

A computer isn't smart enough to make a mistake. Computers are dumb. Fast and efficient and dumb. No computer ever had an idea.

Home is where you hang your @

The E-mail of the species is more deadly than the mail.

A user and his leisure time are soon parted.

Oh, what a tangled website we weave when first we practice.

Give a man a fish and you feed him for a day; teach him to use the Net... and he won't bother you for weeks.

Due to unforeseen circumstances, the release date of Windows 2000 has been postponed until January 1901.

I am trying to limit the time that I spend on my computer and increase the time I spend with my wife and children. Now, where did I put them...?

The Lord is my programmer, I shall not crash.
He installed his software on the hard disk of my heart;
All of His commands are user-friendly.
His directory guides me to the right choices for His name's sake.
Even though I scroll through the problems of life, I will fear no bugs,
For He is my backup.
His password protects me.
He prepares a menu before me in the presence of my enemies.
His help is only a keystroke away.
Surely goodness and mercy will follow me all the days of my life,
And my file will be merged with His and saved forever.

Mouse: (n.) an input device used by management to force computer users to keep at least a part of their desks clean.

Being a Mac user is like being a Navy SEAL: a small, elite group of people with access to the most sophisticated technology in the world, who everyone calls on to get the really tough jobs done quickly and efficiently.

Don't anthropomorphize computers. They hate that.

Computer games don't affect kids, I mean if Pac Man affected us as kids, we'd all be running around in darkened rooms, munching pills and listening to repetitive music

A computer makes it possible to do, in half an hour, tasks which were completely unnecessary to do before

A thunderstorm is God's way of saying you spend too much time in front of the computer.

In a world without fences, who needs Gates - JavaOne 1997 t-shirt

A computer terminal is not some clunky old television with a typewriter in front of it. It is an interface where the mind and body can connect with the universe and move bits of it about. --Douglas Adams

Part of the inhumanity of the computer is that, once it is competently programmed and working smoothly, it is completely honest. &emdash;Isaac Asimov, 1920-1992

Isn't it just my luck. Some stranger says to me, "I LOVE YOU" and next thing I know, I've got this virus...
Posted to rec.humor.funny by Chip Aucoin

Don't ask a man what kind of computer he uses. If it's a Macintosh, he'll tell you. If not, why embarass him? --Tom Clancy

The question of whether a computer can think is no more interesting than the question of whether a submarine can swim.--E. W. Dijkstra

To err is human but to really foul up requires a computer. --Paul Erlich

The real danger is not that computers will begin to think like men, but that men will begin to think like computers.--Sydney J. Harris

From then on, when anything went wrong with a computer, we said it had bugs in it. [on the removal of a two-inch-long moth from an experimental computer at Harvard in 1945] --Grace Murray Hopper

That's what's cool about working with computers. They don't argue, they remember everything and they don't drink all your beer.-- Paul Leary, 1991

The new electronic interdependence recreates the world in the image of a global village. --Marshall McLuhan

PCMCIA - People can't memorise computer industry acronyms - I can't recall where I heard this.

There is no reason anyone would want a computer in their home.
Ken Olson, president, chairman and founder of Digital Equipment Corp., 1977

In a world without walls, who needs Windows? - Simon Phipps,

Computing machines perhaps can do the work of a dozen ordinary men, but there is no machine that can do the work of one extraordinary man.
Richard Rhodes In "The Making of the Atomic Bomb."

The real problem is not whether machines think but whether men do.-- B. F. Skinner

Why is it drug addicts and computer aficionados are both called users? --Clifford Stoll, 1995

I have always wished that my computer would be as easy to use as my telephone. My wish has come true; I no longer know how to use my telephone. -- Bjarne Stroustrup, computer science professor, designer of C++ programming language (1950- )

Terrified of being alone, yet afraid of intimacy, we experience widespread feelings of emptiness, of disconnection, of the unreality of self. And here the computer, a companion without emotional demands, offers a compromise. You can be a loner, but never alone. You can interact, but need never feel vulnerable to another person.--Sherry Turkle _The Second Self_ [1984], Chapter 9

The best computer is a man, and it's the only one that can be mass-produced by unskilled labour. --Wernher Von Braun

When I'm around hard-core computer geeks, I want to say, 'Come outside -- the graphics are great!' - Matt Weinhold

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