Rutherford revised (43)

Much honoured and dear mistress,- My love in Christ remembered. I am sad in the heart to write anything to you which causes heaviness; and what I have written  I wrote with much heaviness. But I be you in Christ's name, when I am battling, I am seeking direction from our Lord (to whom his vineyard belongs) where I should go; give me opportunity to advise and try all directions and paths to see whether he goes before and leads me. For I was sure of God's call to your town, let my arm fall from my shoulder blade, and lose power and my right eye be dried up (which is the judgement on the idol Shepherd) (Zec 12:3), if I would not swim through the water without a boat if I refuse His call. But if you knew my doubts and fears in this, you would sympathise with me. Whether they are temptations or hindrances thrown in by God, I do not know. But you now have reason to thank God for seeing the Bishop has given you such a promise he will give you an honest man more willingly than he will permit me to come to you. and I always ask you; put the business out of your hand out of reverence for the Lord, and ask him, if you have reason from Him to look for no-one in the world but only one, when there are choices of good men to be had. Though they be too scarce, yet there are some. And what God says to me in the matter I resolve to do by his grace for I do not know what He will do with me. But God will fill you with joy before this business has ended; for I persuade myself that our Lord stirred you up to do good in the business and you will not lose your reward,
   I have heard your husband and Samuel have been sick. The man who is called the Branch and God's fellow, will be your support and help (Zec 13:7). I wish I were able to comfort you. But be patient and stand still;  he who believes does not hurry. This business of Cramond thrown in at this time is either a temptation, having come at this time, or it will clear up all my doubts and let you see the Lords will. But I never knew my own part in the business until now. I thought I was more willing to have accepted the charge in your town, than I am, or am able to win it. I know you pray that God will show me what to do, and will interpret it as love directs you, which 'thinks not ill and believes all things and hopes all things'. Would you have more than the Son of God? And you have him already. And you will be fed by the carver of the meat, whoever he is; and those who are hungry look more to the meat them to the carver.
   I cannot see you next week. If my lady comes home I must visit. The week after will be a Presbytery at Girthon. God will arrange the meeting. Grace be on you and your children and husband. The Lord Jesus be with your spirit.
   Yours in Christ SR