Parody - christiansquoting.org.uk
A man's reach should exceed his grasp, or what's a metaphor?
People who live in glass houses shouldn't.
Cogito ergo spud. - I think, therefore I yam.-- Graffito reported by Herb Caen
If you can start the day without caffeine or pep pills
If you can be cheerful, ignoring aches and pains,
If you can resist complaining and boring people with your troubles,
If you can eat the same food everyday and be grateful for it,
If you can understand when loved ones are too busy to give you time,
If you can overlook when people take things out on you, when through no fault of yours, something goes wrong,
If you can take criticism and blame without resentment,
If you can face the world without lies and deceit,
If you can conquer tension without medical help,
If you can relax without liquor,
If you can sleep without the aid of drugs,
Then, you are almost as good as your dog.
God, grant me the Senility
To forget the people
I never liked anyway
The good fortune
To run into the ones I do,
And the eyesight
To tell the difference.
"BUTT PRINTS IN THE SAND"
One night I had a wondrous dream,
One set of footprints there was seen,
The footprints of my precious Lord,
But mine were not along the shore.
But then some stranger prints appeared,
And I asked the Lord, "What have we here?"
Those prints are large and round and neat,
"But Lord, they are too big for feet."
"My child," He said in somber tones,
"For miles I carried you alone.
I challenged you to walk in faith,
But you refused and made me wait."
"You disobeyed, you would not grow,
The walk of faith, you would not know,
So I got tired, I got fed up,
And there I dropped you on your butt."
"Because in life, there comes a time,
When one must fight, and one must climb,
When one must rise and take a stand,
Or leave their butt prints in the sand."
My appetite is my shepherd, I always want.
It maketh me sit down and stuff myself.
It leadeth me to my refrigerator repeatedly
Sometimes during the night.
It leadeth me in the path of Burger King for a Whopper.
It destroyeth my shape.
Yea, though I knoweth I gaineth, I will not stop eating,
For the food tasteth so good.
The ice cream and the cookies, they comfort me.
When the table is spread before me, it exciteth me.
For I knoweth that I sooneth shall dig in.
As I filleth my plate continuously.
My clothes runneth smaller.
Surely bulges and pudgies shall follow me
All the days of my life
And I shall be "pleasingly plump" forever.
The Lord is my programmer, I shall not crash.
He installed his software on the hard disk of my heart; all of His commands are user-friendly.
His directory guides me to the right choices for His name's sake.
Even though I scroll through the problems of life, I will fear no bugs, for He is my backup.
His password protects me.
He prepares a menu before me in the presence of my enemies.
His help is only a keystroke away.
Surely goodness and mercy will follow me all the days of my life, and my file will be merged with His and saved forever.
Metaphors be with you!
I think bad thoughts therefore I'm man.
Those who forget the pasta are condemned to reheat it
I heard that if you locked William Shakespeare in a room with a typewriter for long enough, he'd eventually write all the songs by the Monkees
A light to lighten the genitals - Graffito by the light switch in an Oxford college lavatory.
They came for the smoker, but I didn't smoke, so I said nothing.
They came for the drinker, but I didn't drink, so I said nothing.
They came for the overweight, but I was thin, so I said nothing.
They came for the casually dressed, but I wore a suit, so I said nothing.
They came for the bearded, but I was clean-shaven, so I said nothing.
They came for those who disagreed, but I thought I was like them, so I said nothing.
Then they came for me, and there was no one left to say anything for me.
When they came for the smokers I kept silent because I don't smoke.When they came for the meat eaters I kept silent because I'm a vegetarian. When they came for the gun owners I kept silent because I'm a pacifist. When they came for the drivers I kept silent because I'm a bicyclist. They never did come for me. I'm still here because there's nobody left in the secret police except sissies with rickets. -- Florence King
Gin a body meet a body
Flyin' through the air,
Gin a body hit a body,
Will it fly? and where?
James Clerk Maxwell (1831-1879).
I must go down to the sea again, to the lonely sea and the sky;
I left my shoes and socks there - I wonder if they're dry?
In Xanadu did Tony Blair
A state owned pleasure dome decree...
My name is Ozymandelson, Queen of queens:
Look on my works, ye mighty, and despair..."
It depends on what the Meaning of "is" is - an epitaph for the twentieth century? Eric Potts
One man's Mede is another man's Persian --"Saki" (H. H. Munro)
I think, therefore Descartes exists. - Saul Steinberg (1914 - 1999)