Rutherford Revised (204)

204. To Margaret Fullerton     From Aberdeen 1637

Mistress, - Grace , mercy and peace be to you. I am glad that you always put your love on Christ; fasten more and more love on Him every day. Oh, if I had a river of love, a sea of love, that would never dry up, to give to Him! But alas, more's the pity! Christ has beauty for me but I do not have love for Him. Oh, what a pain it is to see Christ in His beauty, and then to lack a heart and love for Him! But I see we must be in want until Christ lends to us never to be repaid. Oh that he would empty these vaults and cellars (of these poor souls) of bastard and low lovers which we follow! And truly I see nothing in heaven or in earth that I could place this much love upon that I have on Christ. Alas, that clay and time and shadows run away with our love which is badly spent on any except on Christ. Each fool at the day of judgement will seek back his love from the creatures when he will see them all in a good fire. But they will prove irresponsible debtors; and therefore, it is best that here be look before we leap, and look before we love. 
   I now find under his cross I would gladly give Him more than I have to give Him, if giving was in my power, but I rather wish Him my heart than give Him it. Unless he takes it and puts Himself in possession of it (for no doubt He has a right to me since he ransomed me) I do not see how Christ can have me. Oh that he would would be pleased to be more at home with my soul's love, and to come into my soul and take His own! But when he goes away and hides Himself, it is like all I had of Christ in me is fallen to the bottom of the sea. Oh that I should be so inconstant in my love that I love Him only by the eyes and the nose! That is to one Him only as far as naive and foolish sense carries me and no more; and when I do not see nor smell nor touch than I have everything to look for. I cannot love from the heart not rejoice from the heart. But this is our weakness until we reach home, and we will have grown men's constitutions to bear Christ's love. 
   Pray for me that our Lord would bring me back to you with a new blessing of the gospel of Christ. I do not forget you. Grace, grace be with you.
   Yours, in his sweet Lord Jesus,  S.R.