The average woman would rather have beauty than brains, because the average man can see better than he can think.
WOMAN: An animal usually living in the vicinity of Man, and having a rudimentary susceptibility to domestication.
What is worse than a male chauvinistic pig?
A woman that won't do what she's told.
Women have more imagination than men. They need it to tell us how wonderful we are.
Women have their faults. Men have only two: Everything they say; Everything they do.
A successful man is one who makes more money than his wife can spend. A successful woman is one who can find such a man.
Men always want to be a woman's first love. Women have a more subtle instinct: What they like is to be a man's last romance.
There are two times when a man doesn't understand a woman - before marriage and after marriage.
Only two things are necessary to keep one's wife happy. One is to let her think she is having her own way, and the other is to let her have it.
Some husbands are living proof that a woman can take a joke.
A woman has the last word in any argument. Anything a man says after that is the beginning of a new argument.
Women have two weapons - cosmetics and tears.
Why do brides wear white ?
Because it's the most popular colour for kitchen appliances.
In the beginning, God created earth and rested.
Then God created man and rested.
Then God created woman
Since then, neither God nor man has rested.
Here's to women! Would that we could fall into their arms without falling into their hands!
Be it resolved] that all women, of whatever age, rank,profession, or degree; whether virgin maids or widows; that shall after the passing of this Act, impose upon and betray into matrimony any of His Majesty's male subjects, by scents, paints,cosmetics, washes, artificial teeth, false hair, Spanish wool, iron stays, hoops, high-heeled shoes, or bolstered hips, shall incur the penalty of the laws now in force against witchcraft, sorcery, and such like misdemeanours, and that the marriage, upon conviction, shall stand null and void. Act of Parliament, 1670
If particular care and attention is not paid to the ladies, we are determined to foment a rebellion, and will not hold ourselves bound by any laws in which we have no voice or representation.--Abigail (Smith) Adams (1744-1818)_Letter to John Adams_ [March 31, 1776]
To which John Adams replied:
I cannot but laugh...We have been told that our struggle has loosened the bands of government everywhere; that children and apprentices were disobedient; that schools and colleges were grown turbulent; that Indians slighted their guardians and Negroes grew insolent to their masters. But your letter was the first intimation that another tribe more numerous and powerful than all the rest were grown discontented. This is rather too coarse a compliment, but you are so saucy, I won't blot it out. Depend on it, we know better than to repeal our masculine systems. Although they are in full force, you know they are little more than theory. We dare not exert our power in its full latitude. We are obliged to go fair and softly, and in practice you know we are the subjects. We have only the name of masters, and rather than give up this, which would completely subject us to the despotism of the petticoat, I hope General Washington and all our brave heroes would fight. --from the letters of John and Abigail Adams, written while he was attending the Continental Congress, about to Declare Independence: quoted in _John Adams_, David McCullough
Women like silent men. They think they‚re listening.-- Marcel Archard
Women ought to be quiet. When people are talking, they ought to retire to the kitchen.~W.H. Auden, Table Talk (1947)
A man's mother is his misfortune, but his wife is his fault. -- Walter Bagehot
Woman--last at the cross, and earliest at the grave.-- Eaton Stannard Barrett
To judge from the covers of countless women's magazines, the two topics most interesting to women are: (1) Why men are all disgusting pigs and (2) How to attract men. -- Dave Barry
The way to beat a woman is with your hat. Grab it and run. -- John Barrymore
Men and women chasing each other is what makes the human race.-- Mark Beltaire
Female: One of the opposing, or unfair, sex. Ambrose Bierce
Global capitalism and Marxism share a belief that it is far better to have women in the marketplace than at home. The old Marxists - Marx, Engels and the others - wanted to bring down the traditional family, and move women out of the home and into the marketplace, to make them independent of the family. The global capitalists want the same thing. Women who live at home are not consuming or producing enough, they think. Global capitalism seeks to make everyone an employee, everyone a worker. There is a tremendous premium on bringing into the marketplace talented and capable women workers - who are more reliable in many cases - so that they can boost productivity and consume more goods.- Patrick Buchanan, Right Now! June 2022
No lady is ever a gentleman. James Branch Cabell, Something About Eve: A Comedy of Fig-Leaves(1927)
Strong-minded, able-bodied women are my aversion, and I run out of the road of one as I would from a mad cow.
Jane Welsh Carlyle, Letter to Mrs Russell, Aug 30, 1861
Women desire six things: They want their husbands to be brave, wise, rich, generous, obedient to wife, and lively in bed.
Geoffrey Chaucer (1340-1400) "The Shipman's Tale," The Canterbury Tales
We shall find no fiend in hell can match the fury of a disappointed woman&emdash;scorned, slighted, dismissed without a parting pang. - Colley Cibber (1671 &endash; 1757)
A man must understand a woman's needs, which are simple and constant. Women need to: Feel young , Feel skinny, Feel sexy~ Anna Collins and Elliott Sullivan, Women Are From Bras, Men Are From Penus
I have seen too much not to know that the impression of a woman may be more valuable than the conclusion of an analytical reasoner.~Arthur Conan Doyle, Sherlock Holmes in The Man With the Twisted Lip
The test of civilization is the estimate of woman.-- George William Curtis
Women we read beween lines better than on them -Sheila Dundee
The awe and dread with which the untutored savage contemplates his mother-in-law are amongst the most familiar facts of anthropology. - Sir James George Frazer (1854 &endash; 1941)
A man without a woman is like a neck without a pain. --W C Fields
The great question that has never been answered and which I have not yet been able to answer, despite my thirty years of research into the feminine soul, is ``What does a woman want?' Sigmund Freud, Letter to Marie Bonaparte
If the heart of a man is depress'd with cares,
The mist is dispelled when a woman appears.
John Gay (1685-1732)_The Beggar's Opera_ , Act II, Scene III, Air 21
Women are just like cats. To win them, you must first make them purr. Sam "Sully" Gehring
A woman should be home with the children, building that home and making sure there's a secure family atmosphere.~Mel Gibson (1991)
I think I've scratched the surface after twenty years of marriage. Women want chocolate and conversation. ~ Mel Gibson,1956-
It all goes back ,of course, to Adam and Eve -a story which shows among other things, that if you make a woman out of a man, you are bound to get into trouble. ~ Carol Gilligan, In a Different Voice (1982)
Women are hard enough to handle now without giving them a gun! -- Senator Barry Goldwater on women in the military
Women and cats will do as they please, and men and dogs should relax and get used to the idea. --Robert A. Heinlein
I came, I saw, SHE conquered. (The original Latin seems to have been garbled.) -- Lazarus Long (Robert Heinlein)
They say one tongue is enough for a woman.-- Matthew Henry, on hearing his sister was to learn French
A woman's mind is cleaner than a man's. She changes it more often. - Oliver Herford
Can you imagine a world without men? No crime and lots of happy fat women. Nicole Hollander
How can we have an invasion when the troops storm ashore and then change their minds. ~Bob Hope, on women in combat (1991)
I wish that men were as resolute as women. Anne Javouhey
I am very fond of the company of ladies. I like their beauty, I like their delicacy, I like their vivacity, and I like their silence. Samuel Johnson
Were it not for imagination, sir, a man would be as happy in the arms of a chambermaid as a duchess. Dr. Johnson
Nature has given women so much power that the law has very wisely given them little. Dr. Johnson
To promote a woman to bear rule, superiority, dominion or empire, above any realm, nation, or city, is repugnant to nature; contumely to God, a thing most contrarious to his revealed will and approved ordinance, and finally it is the subversion of good order, of all equity and justice." - John Knox
There is a woman at the beginning of all great things.-- Lamartine
Why can't a woman be more like a man?
Men are so honest, so thoroughly square
Eternally noble, historically fair
Who when you win will always give your back a pat
Why can't a woman be like that?
Alan Jay Lerner, lyric , A Hymn to Him
No good ever came out of female domination. God created Adam master and lord of all living creatures, but Eve spoiled all. --Martin Luther, "Table Talk"(1532)
Who loves not woman, wine and song
Remains a fool his whole life long.
Only one man in a thousand is a leader of men, the other 999 follow women. Groucho Marx
On one issue at least men and women agree: They both distrust women. - H.L. Mencken
That it should still be necessary, at this late stage in the senility of the human race to argue that women have a fine and fluent intelligence is surely an eloquent proof of the defective observation, incurable prejudice, and general imbecility of their lords and masters. -- H.L. Mencken
I expect that Woman will be the last thing civilized by Man.--George Meredith (1828-1909) _The Ordeal of Richard Feverel_ , Ch. 1
Grace was in all her steps, Heav'n in her Eye,
In every gesture dignity and love.
John Milton, Paradise Lost Book VIII, 487 - 88
Disguise our bondage as we will,
'Tis woman, woman, rules us still.
~Thomas Moore, Miscellaneous Woman.
I asked a Burmese man why women, after centuries of following their men, now walk ahead. He said there were many unexploded land mines since the war.--Robert Mueller
In revenge and in love, woman is more barbarous than man.--Friedrich Nietzsche (1844-1900)_Beyond Good and Evil_ , "Maxims and Interludes," No. 139
The sexes deceive themselves about one another: the reason being that fundamentally they love and honor only themselves (or their own ideal, to express it more pleasantly). Thus man wants women to be peaceful--but woman is essentially unpeaceful, like the cat, however well she may have trained herself to present an appearance of peace. --Friedrich Nietzsche (1844-1900) _Beyond Good and Evil_ , "Maxims and Interludes," No. 131
Men seldom make passes/At girls who wear glasses Dorothy Parker
Men do make passes at girls who wear glasses - but it all depends on their frames. Optician
At night there is no such thing as an ugly woman. --Ovid [Publius Ovidius Naso] (43 BC-18 AD)
A woman is a foreign land,
Of which, though there he settle young,
A man will ne'er quite understand
The customs, politics, and tongue."
Women are rarely as successful as men . They have no wives to advise them. --Bob Phillips
Some women are not beautiful‚ they only look as though they are. Bob Phillips
Men and women are like right and left hands; it doesn't make sense not to use both.- Jeannette Rankin (1880-1973) In "American Political Women." by Esther Stineman, 1980.
Men of today's older generation grew up in the chivalric miasma of their time, which held that women were morally superior to men, and that civilized men protected women against any available vicissitude. A corollary was that women needed protecting. So common has this understanding been throughout history that one may suspect it of being based in ancient instinct: In a less hospitable world, if men didn't protect women, something disagreeable would eat them, and then there would be no more people. So men did. And do. --Fred Reed
When a woman says she wants to go out and get a job to express herself, it usually means she's hopelessly behind in the ironing.~Oliver Reed (1978)
A man says what he knows, a woman says what will please. --Jean Jacques Rousseau (1712-1778)
A happy woman is one who has no cares at all; a cheerful woman is one who has cares but doesn't let them get her down.Beverly Sills (1929-____) On "60 Minutes."
There is a growing strength in women, but it's in the forehead, not the forearm.-Beverly Sills (1929-____): In "The Dallas News."
I know I'm not going to understand women.I'll never understand how you can take boiling hot wax, pour it on to your upper thigh, rip the hair out by the root...and still be afraid of spiders~Jerry Seinfeld
B is for Breasts
Of which ladies have two;
Once prized for the function,
Now for the view.
Robert Paul Smith, "From A to Z" in And Another Thing
Behind every successful man you'll find a woman -- who has absolutely nothing to wear. -- James Stewart, _Film Yearbook_ (1990)
CELIA: Oh Charles - a woman needs certain things. She needs to be loved, wanted, cherished,sought after, wooed, flattered, cosseted, pampered. She needs sympathy, affection, devotion, understanding, tenderness, infatuation, adulation, idolatry - that isn't much to ask, is it Charles? --Barry Took and Marty Feldman Round the Horne, BBC Radio,
He is a fool who thinks by force or skill
To turn the current of a woman's will.
Samuel Tuke (---- -1673): Adventures of Five Hours. Act v. Sc. 3.
What, sir, would the people of the earth be without woman? They would be scarce, sir, almighty scarce. Mark Twain
Women have the right to work wherever they want, as long as they have the dinner ready when you get home-- Attributed to John Wayne
When women go wrong, men go right after them. Mae West
The Two Things about Women
1. When complaining, they don't want your advice, they want your sympathy.
2. Don't you dare tell them you can sum them up with just Two Things.
Men always want to be a woman's first love. Women have a more subtle instinct: What they like is to be a man's last romance.- Oscar Wilde
Labels: quotations, women